Good afternoon, hon! I’m watching your live right now, and you keep asking for success stories, so here’s one that I just realized was pretty significant in my life, but I missed it in my laser-focus on my SP manifestation. I also left a comment on a video, but I can’t really fill in all the details there, and I’ve realized a couple of things since then.
I left an abusive marriage in 2008, and the divorce was finally concluded in 2011 after some pretty horrific battles with my ex, who did just about everything you can think of to make my life hell. My kids and I were in therapy during the divorce and afterward because of the trauma we all went through because of my ex. At some point, one of my therapists diagnosed me with PTSD and severe anxiety. I remember occasions where I would spend an hour in my apartment just trying to get myself to the point where I could make a five-minute run to the corner store to buy a jug of milk because my anxiety was so bad. I powered through because I literally had no support network and just had to get through each day. I went back to school to finish my degree around 2015, and my diagnoses really hit me at that point because I received a disability accommodation letter from a therapist that described my PTSD and anxiety as “severe and pervasive.” I was devastated because I didn’t want a permanent disability, and that therapist had made it clear, firmly but kindly, that this was a lifetime diagnosis – I would never be free of these problems. I’m a researcher, so of course I did tons of reading, and ran across an article that said PTSD could actually be overcome. With support from a community and proper therapy and treatment, people with PTSD were known to recover. Immediately, I said that was going to be me. I didn’t have the things that the article said I needed to recover, and I had no idea how or if I would actually be able to get those supports, but I didn’t care – I was not going to be “broken” for the rest of my life.
That was maybe 2016 or 2017, and I definitely cannot say that things improved immediately. I had a lot of ups and downs, culminating in a massive disaster of a relationship with an SP that I had been dreaming of (or probably just manifesting) over the last six years. After I reached out to you for coaching, I started to overcome the internal obstacles that talk therapy hadn’t been helping with, and things have finally started to improve on so many levels. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly when I really felt free of the anxiety and PTSD, but today I saw an old FB (Facebook) post from several months ago that made me realize it was after I did inner child coaching with you and learned to let go a little bit more. After coaching, I had run across a post that intrigued me, and after looking into it a little more, I found a way to add purpose and meaning to my life in ways that really helped me on so many levels. The post from several months ago was me telling my family and friends that I wasn’t going to continue making mental health posts because I just didn’t feel the need any more. I haven’t gotten my diagnoses formally retracted, but I’ve looked up the list of symptoms, and none of them apply to me any more, which is what really matters to me.
The thing that makes me laugh and/or roll my eyes the most is that I honestly didn’t even realize all this because I was so single-mindedly focused on my SP. As I’m working on relaxing and letting go a little bit, I’m starting to realize just how much change I’ve made since I started coaching with you. That was one of the hardest things for me because my history of trauma left me with a need to control and fight constantly – I honestly thought that was the only way to get the life I wanted. Now I’m noticing how many things I manifested into my life, including the issues with my SP. For the 9 years I knew him before we got together, I always said I wanted, “Someone just like him, but not him” because he was in another relationship and I was trying to be a good person and tell myself I wasn’t attracted to someone else’s boyfriend. So now, I’m working on making my desires more specific and concrete instead of “just whatever, I’m flexible” language or trying to prove to myself that I’m a good person. I know I am, and I’m learning to let go of the familial criticism that drove me to “prove” to myself that I’m good. I’m using Joseph’s daily list technique to work on manifesting more deliberately and consistently and I’m also reviewing all of my internal beliefs about myself. I spoke to you once about being an angry person, and after talking to you, I continued to think about it and realized that anger is a normal human emotion that I don’t need to be ashamed of. As you pointed out, it doesn’t control me, and I’m allowed to be human and I’m allowed to take the time to work on things I don’t like about myself. Within all this work was when I realized that my decision from eight years ago (to recover from PTSD and anxiety) was finally manifesting, in part because I wasn’t fighting and struggling constantly to diagnose and label and force the situation. Even when I had a fight with my SP last weekend, I got over it pretty quickly, and realized a couple of things that I need from a partner – respect and a willingness to work on our problems – so it was very easy for me to see it as a positive, let go, and move forward.
One of the things I’m manifesting now is an ability to see my successes, since I tend to overlook them – possibly because of the history of criticism from family members. Tomorrow, I’m spending the day with my brother and my son, a family trip that I also manifested, as well as an ongoing improvement of my relationship with my brother that I manifested. The key really was letting go, but I needed that outside perspective to make me realize how warped my own view of myself was, and I am eternally grateful for your help with that.
Thank you, Athena!